Also, in the last year, I have gradually been coming to terms with the fact that I will never have another baby. Yes, yes, DD was a surprise and came 5 1/2 years after DS2 and I had a miscarriage in between and I don't actually WANT any more children and after 40 is not a good time for me to have another one, in my opinion, because the risks of problems just keep going up from here. And three kids, that's replacing ourselves plus one. So DH got the snipsnip and now has the all clear. And if - dog forbid - something happened to our marriage or to him and if I ever found another partner in a few years, I would not be having any other children anyway.
But somewhere inside me, I keep looking at my kids, especially the baby, and thinking, "This is it. No more," and I feel old. Yeah, Mom's going to point out again about how I'm not old, but well, this is the end of my fertility. Even if I am technically still fertile though I think I'm on the front end of peri-menopause and have been for a couple of years. I still have a few years - anyone's guess from one to fifteen - before I hit the real thing. It's a bit of a nostalgic look back, I guess you could say.
Heave a deep sigh as I wave bye bye to my ovaries and mourn my empty womb.
Ooooh very dramatic doncha think?
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2 comments:
I feel your pain, Phyllis. In a couple of years, though, I promise you that you'll feel better about it. I can now actually hold adorable babies without weeping or trying to run off with said baby. :)
I can't remember when your actual birthday was/is, but HAPPY B-DAY annyway!!!!
And I can sooooo relate to your musings, especially to the one about not having any more kids after the big 4-day. Although I, too, don't really want to have another one for various good reasons (you named a couple of them), I haven't built up the courage to pack all the baby-clothes and give them away to charity. Too many very fond memories. And I found being pregnant to be just such a wonderful (burdensome, yes, but also miraculous) state of being (in spite of being totally flooded by all sorts of unpleasant hormonal waves last time).
All the best wishes from over the pond!! And a big waving of hands etc. from some sibling cherry who can totally understand you!
Doris in Munich
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